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Georgian Tidbits Vol.3

I'm starting to crack...

I sat down at the table with Bebia this evening and saw a wad of money on table. I proceeded to teach the arthritic woman how to 'make it rain' until Tchabuki walked in to see his mother throwing his money all over the dining room. This is, sadly, one of the more satisfying accomplishments of my life.

My host sister and I had a bonding experience where we threw rocks at the rooster for an hour.

Bebia asked, if she fit in my backpack, would I take her to Canada with me?

I could be Usain Bolt, sprinting to the table in record time, but it still wouldn't be fast enough.

My throat could be a straight pipe to a bottomless pit of a stomach, but I'd still not be eating fast enough, or enough, period.

I bet the CD's accompanying the textbooks work great; if I had a teacher who cared to use them, if I had electricity to power the CD player, if I had a CD player to play them, if I had students who could sit still for forty seconds.

Everyday I see at least thirty offenses that would illicit disciplinary action. In Georgia, these are the norm:
Teachers smoking in the hall? Normal.
Grades 10, 11, 12 smoking in the hall? Normal.
Lower grades playing "Soccer" with a cig dangling from their lips? Normal.
Teachers lighting the kids cigarettes? Normal.
Kids chuggin' beers on a bench? Normal.
Smashing the remnants of a desk or chair to burn for heat? Normal.
Teachers trying to set me up with other teachers? Normal.
Students trying to set me up with other students? Normal.
Teachers trying to set me up with students? Normal.
Teachers standing by while kids fight within an inch of their lives? Normal.
Patting the winning fighter on the back after? Normal.
Kids carving pictures into the desk? Normal.
Asking the teachers if they like their artwork after? Normal.
Fighting in a staff meeting? Normal to expected.

My host sister has come a long way with her English and I am very proud of that. Even Bebia has learned a thing or two... two. She sees an apple, and she's tells me to "Cor, tchame, appoh" every expletive time, and now whenever she sees money she says, "make it rain." My work here is done.

I now feel like I'm on the brink of starvation every three to twelve minutes.

I can quit anytime I want. Watch... well this doesn't count, he poured it for me and it'd be rude not to.

Jon, poop goes in the hole, not your phone.

Chris, poop goes in the hole, not your leg.

I'm certain that when TLG ceases to exist, eighty percent of 'aptiakis' will fail with the massive decline in antibiotic purchases. You filthy, filthy creatures.

I believe there is a direct correlation between abstinence and alcohol abuse. Isn't there Brian.

Its a big, red flag when hearing a story from someone you just met about "some other TLG'ers" when you realize halfway through they are talking about you and your friends.

Another red flag happens when you tell someone you are from Group 43 and they respond with, "Ohh" pretty much ending the conversation.

I woke up in the morning realizing I had shared my pillow with two dead flies.

I've slept in the same, unwashed sheets since August 22nd. If this doesn't gross you out, you are a disgusting human being.

It now just feels strange to shower.

That's why they pay me the big bucks.

A letter of recommendation from the President of Georgia, and a 10% off coupon for liver transplants would be nice.

Posted by CRBackman 02:28 Archived in Georgia Tagged school wine georgia tidbits discipline

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